I never had this strong desire to be a mom like all my other friends. If it happened, great. If not, life would go on. My husband, on the other hand, desperately wanted a family. He had a very Beaver Cleaver childhood (no one's parents ever got divorced, seriously), and he hoped to recreate that experience for his own children. I was indifferent to the whole thing. But I thought, what the hell? Let's give it a shot.
After two years of trying to conceive - including, my personal favorite - taking drugs that make one a raving lunatic, I had had enough. Back on the pill for me, I declared. My husband asked me to give it one more month. So I did. And because I was so done with the whole situation, and didn't give a crap if I got pregnant or not, well you can guess what happened. Yep. A big plus sign on the test. All 4 of them that I took.
How did I feel, you ask? Scared. Terrified, actually. I bolted out of the house, jumped in my car, and drove to my best friend's house at 9:30 on a Saturday night. I must have looked a fright standing out there banging on the door and yelling "I know you're in there, I can hear you!" I wasn't yet ready to deal with the actual father of the child. Because that would make sense.
I talked things out with my friend, and I have to say, I was still shellshocked several hours later. So I went back home and called my doctor (yes, after hours, b/c it was an emergency to me!), who told me 1. "the plus sign doesn't usually lie" and 2. "no, all the beer you drank last week did not do damage to the baby". Still not feeling the joy, here. Waiting, waiting...
The following day, my husband (who by the way actually asked me 'what does the plus sign mean?') and I went for an ultrasound and some bloodwork. Nothing more humbling than having your junk exposed and your insides displayed on a big ass monitor for the world to see.
And then it happened. Thump, thump, thump. Super fast. Thump, thump, thump. Is that what I think it is? Why yes, it's a heartbeat. OMG. The image on the screen looked like a lima bean with a disco ball pulsating inside of it. That was it. I was in love. It's a person. In. My. Body. And yes, I did make the ultrasound tech look all up in my insides to make sure there was not a second heartbeat. I mean, let's not get carried away here.
Lucy Alexa Avitabile was born 8 months later. She is now a 22 month old crazy toddler. And her mom still thinks she hung the moon.
More to come later on the adventures of my child, who I affectionately refer to as "the L bomb".