I often wonder if people have the same conversations in their heads that I do. When something annoying comes across my radar, I slip into mental super sarcastic mode, whether I eventually verbally express my thoughts or not. What I have found is that the same issues come up over and over again. And my reactions are always the same. Amused irritation.
It was difficult to narrow down my pet peeves to just three, but I think that this list is a good representation of the dramas in life that wreak havoc with my sense of humor and my patience. So without further delay...
3. Slow drivers in hot cars. It is one thing to get behind an older person who can barely see above the steering wheel and thus is driving about 25 miles per hour. This is not necessariily a bad thing. If you can't see the road, should you be driving at all? For an average adult, if the speed limit says 65mph, please go 70. No cop in the world is going to waste his time on you. Plus, I am going to honk at you as I pass by like there is no tomorrow. I may give you the finger too, but that depends on my mood. But I digress...
I am talking about those folks who are creeping down the interstate at 55mph (OR LESS!) driving a car with enough horsepower to fuel a small country. Why in the world would you spend a bizillion dollars on a sweet ass Corvette ZR1 and go that slow? Floor that sucker. Seriously. Drive like you are on the Autobahn. Otherwise, you might as well get a scooter and be done with it. You can better believe that if/when my husband agrees to finally let me get that BMW that I have been eyeing for many many years, you can guaran-damn-tee that I am going to hit 90mph at least once on I-40. Just because. It's the principle of the thing.
2. Martyrs...stop your bitching. We often encounter people in our work and personal lives that I like to call "martyrs". And I do not mean this term in a positive way. These are folks who 1. complain about doing things that are their responsibility and 2. then expect praise for doing those very things that are expected of them (and that they willingly agreed to do in the first place). I will also throw into the mix those people who complain about being fat or not liking their hair simply for the purposes of stimulating a compliment (which I don't get b/c the compliment is neither spontaneous or genuine). But I'll leave that subject for a future post perhaps.
To my first point, martyrs talk about how awful their work is b/c they have to do this or that and it sucks. That would be like me saying "I hate my traveling sales job b/c I have to travel." Um, IT'S YOUR JOB. I don't feel sorry for you, not one bit. If you don't like it, quit. Or at the very least talk to someone about ways to make things better for you. Be proactive instead of just complaining all the time. Stop looking for outside reinforcement, b/c I promise you that a lot of folks already think you are lazy, whiney, and/or a drama queen (or king).
To my second point, do not say to me that "I never hear what a good job I am doing". Okay, let me qualify that statement by saying that folks who go above and beyone their responsibilities AND (this is a must, not an option) expect NOTHING in return, do deserve positive feedback. I'm instead talking about those who need constant attention and praise. It's like in the movie "Beaches" when Bette Midler's mom tells her "You always needed too much attention. Your wore everyone out. I'm sorry, I just can't pay attention to you anymore." Everyone wants to hear that they are appreciated, well liked, etc., but to expect positive attention constantly is unrealistic, and frankly, annoying.
So be wary of who you complain to - it might just be me looking back at you and saying ''get over yourself". Everyone one of us has struggles. What makes you any different? It's how you respond to those difficulties in life that truly show your inner power and strength. As my yoga teacher often says, "you are perfect and whole, just as you are". Damn skippy.
1. Airline Travel...well DUH. This one is a no-brainer. I mean, I probably could just stop here. But I won't. Gone are the days when I could arrive at RDU airport 5 minutes before my flight and breeze through security with 8 carry-on bags and my shoes still on. September 11 changed all of that.
Honestly, I don't mind that additional screening methods have been employed. I don't even mind the full body scanners. If there is a market of perverts out there who get their jollies from looking at my innards, go for it. Better that than being blown up mid-air. Think about it.
What does drive me crazy is the inefficiency of the system at some airports. Notice I said SOME. I recently flew through Dallas-Fort Worth, and let me tell you, those guys have their shit together. Seriously. There are security checkpoints at every other gate. In and through in less than 5 minutes. And that includes laptop out, shoes off, and liquids in the baggie. Same thing with Munich (and a few other European airports). There are big dogs and guys with even bigger guns standing everywhere. Nobody even thinks of getting out of line. Again, in and done in 5 minutes. You can even leave your shoes on. In contrast, I once had a TSA agent in Nashville hold me up for 20 minutes b/c he couldn't identify the 'strange' substance inside the heel of my wedge sandals. Um, it's cork, you a-hole.
Furthermore, the status of the security line in terms of busy versus not is completely random. I have never been able to predict how long it will take. Morning or night, Monday or Friday, whether I have on red shoes or black shoes...does not matter. It never fails that the line will be out the front door and wrapped around the parking garage on those days when I am running late. It is also on those days that they will have 2 lanes open versus the 4 or 5 that they are equipped to run. The staff is 'on a break'. Really?
My final rant about airline travel is the issue of baggage. I never check luggage, EVER. The one time that I did I ended up in Belgium for 3 days with one outfit (the one I was wearing). And yes, that included underwear. I have become a much more efficient packer since then. In fact, my suitcase is a work of art. I can pack for a week in a foreign country with one carry-on bag and my purse. The key is to stick with one pair of shoes, two if you bring tennis shoes for exercise. It can be done. I am convinced that the baggage folks do not actually read the tags on the suitcases. I mean, after all, DFW looks a heck of a lot like DTW. I'm just sayin...